


The Lights Will Not Save You

by Ella Symphony (LaurenX), StruckerSiblings



Series: Fenris is Our Destiny [1]
Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: Andrea is Otto's Mom, Blood and Violence, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Implied/Referenced Incest, Incest only for Fenris 1.0, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 02:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurenX/pseuds/Ella%20Symphony, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StruckerSiblings/pseuds/StruckerSiblings
Summary: Andy and Lauren are crossing the painful path of abstinence from each other. The pain devoured them with sharp teeth, the mourning drowned them and the solitude invaded them violently. There is a light that never goes out, but in those days, they just can't make their way into that light.They are wandering in the dark, passing through their worst fears.





	The Lights Will Not Save You

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic inspired by No Light, No Light by Florence and Machine and Without The Lights by Elliot Moss  
> Both parts work, one for Lauren and one for Andy.

**She waltzed her way into the sea**  
**Baby take me with you please**  
**I don't know what I'd do**  
**If you leave**

**Without The Lights**

* * *

Lauren collapsed, knees and face hitting the ground with seemingly deafening sounds. Her cheeks were adorned in violet bruises and bleeding scratches. She lifted her head with difficulty and looked around, noticing a simple fact with undeniable dread—it was the same place. The cry pulled from her throat was like that of a wounded animal, helplessly spotted by wicked hunters. The city lights surrounding her shone bright like the desert sky and the heavens above was black as tar, covered in dark, rolling clouds that were heavy as steel and thick as mud. They were just as ominous, too, so she supposed that was a plus.

A golden light, blinding in its might, ripped through the darkness like it was a mirror, leaving the dark pieces to fall as the comforting glow  faded away into nothing without warning. The terrifying dark filled all the empty spaces around Lauren once again, devouring everything she had to offer and more. Lauren's dreamland was dying before her very eyes. The place from beautiful sunny days and thin cumulonimbus withering away into barren soil that belonged only in Mars; the dreams were that wonderful evening glow streaming through the curtains, but always failing to linger enough to bring the wasteland back to life. Lauren's dreams were vanishing away into the  dark void within her, and she was slowly dying along with all of it.

Lauren's on the rooftop of some nameless building; it was supposed to be that way and she was meant to be there forever. She walked through the door with what little confidence she could manage, blood streaming down from her broken chin, her bottom lip split by blows harder than rocks, previously golden locks of hair now hanging over her shoulders like frail spider webs. She saw him, and nostalgia and sorrow filled her heart—her three-year-old brother was stumbling on the concrete edge. His thin body was as light as feathers, small feet bare on the hard rock, and fluffy clouds forming his pajamas. Horror filled her brown eyes.

"No, no, no!" she cried again, trying in vain to move forward. The omen rising within her was but a dagger diving into her weakening heart. She screamed as the little pale feet crossed the border and the young body fell into the dark void like she once had—he sank like a stone thrown into a lack, but left not even a sound behind.

Lauren tried to reach him, the screams ripping apart the silence of the night, but he's _so_ far from her touch, so far away from her hands—he's just too far. Someone grabs her by the ankle and she crashes down again, the bloody wounds on her knees stretching wider, the skin breaking like wet paper. It feels like a betrayal.

Lauren wept, crawling through the dry, dusty surface of the floor. Her hands left crimson trails behind, which she attempted to ignore despite the poignant pain. Every movement _hurts_ ; breathing hurts, thinking hurts—but she kept her body moving forward, because she _had_ to.. Her clothes tore at the seams as she kept crawling, but continue she did, because this wasn't even a matter of choice. She'd made her choice long ago.

"Please let me go! I need to find him..." She's begging, voice breaking as she chokes on blood and saliva. A foot hits her back and the taste of iron, dust and blood fills her mouth again; someone banged her head down and her chin hit the concrete hard enough for her to hear the bone crack. Again.

"You can't go, baby." A heavy, strong hand grasped her hair tightly, lifting her body off the ground as she flailed; she could feel strands of her hair be ripped from her scalp callously and it just hurt so much, she couldn't separate all the aching.

"Please don't!" She cried as the faceless man dragged her back toward the door, and in doing so, to the stairs leading to the base of the building. Away from him, away from _here_...

"I need to find my brother!" She screamed and suddenly she was back in the nightmarish gym, dragged back to the dance the walls were crumbling over her, the asphyxiating chaos around dragging her further away from him. She heard Andy's screaming deep within her, like it was her inner voice screaming and not all of his being, all yelling desperately into the pieces of her shattered soul. The faceless man smiled, as wicked as he was kind, while they walked back through the door, the worrying darkness around them thickening. Lauren felt her body lull as if she were submerged in a river, first floating and then sinking, until the cruel hands of water were pulling her back and choking her. The darkness was drowning her, intent to keep her eternally chained.

The first thing she thought was that maybe she should give up this time. Lay down and just _rest_ —let it go.

Let _him_ go.

She could do it; of course she could. No one would ever judge her if she gave up on him, no one would ever know she left him behind just as he left her that night when he turned away from her and ruthlessly tore her heart in half. He was already lost and no matter what he did, there was no place in heaven for his darkened soul.

There's no mercy or forgiveness for his wicked sins.

* * *

 

Lauren allowed her body to loosen up; she allowed herself to be dragged down the stairs and toward the door that would let her go back to the light—to the _beautiful_ bright side. A safe place, with no wolves clawing at the door, no screams during the night, no fear lingering in her bones, and no love in her guts. No desire, no passion.

Nothing. Void. _Empty_.

But it wasn't true. She knew that. She would _never_ live again without her brother; she would _never_ be whole without him by her side. She knew by heart that letting Andy go was never a option, that she'd much rather kill herself than live without him. The mere thought of her existing without him was nothing but impossible; Lauren knew it in her very bones, because even if the bruised each other and gifted each other scars no one would be able to heal, their souls were intertwined and no matter what they did, no matter how badly they destroyed each other—they were still together.

Lauren was but an empty shell, a hollow vessel in this enormous universe with him gone. She could never give up on him without giving up on herself. And she owed him, owed _herself_ , to go down with a sword in her back and a wound in her heart.

There was no place in heaven for her, either, then. His sins were hers. His soul was her soul, and she would rather feel the fire of hell than the bliss of heaven if the price to pay was to live in a world without Andy.

"No!" She shouted, the world around her rippling with the power of her emotions.

Another burst of golden energy sprung onto her and the light roared like an beast, paws digging into the ground—the living being within her yearned for his touch, for his soul, for the other half of her own spirit. For that which no one could understand or feel.

"No!" The air whirled around her and she felt the gravity of the earth through her battered body. She felt the weight of the cosmos, the light and the dark, the joy of birth and the sorrow of death, the pleasure of an orgasm and the pain of a bullet. It was all a bite and a kiss, an embrace and a stab, a caress and a slap.

"I will come back to you, brother," her soul from another life, forgotten but to be remembered, promised to Andreas when he died alone and in pain. Lauren saw her own birth, observing with wide eyes when she cried for the first time and inhaled the oxygen and the love of a past life into her lungs, never exhaling. Two years that were gone in the blink of an eye later, Lauren felt her soul rejoice her brother's birth as heaven had rejoiced Jesus's ascending.

Her eyes were filled up with that light only they could wield and she fought again—she would do it a hundred times until the life left her body and then, she would fight death itself again, and again, and again just to come back to him. She would crawl out of hell and jump from the boundaries of heaven, just to crash into their eternal limbo of comfort and pain.

Lauren yanked her head forward and escaped from the fingers pulling her hair. She saw her brother's sweet and shy smile when he was eight; she felt the faint heat of his hands on hers as she wrapped him in a soft blanket and hugged him tightly, like she'd never let him go. "Don't tell Mommy," he whispered and she smiled.

She threw her body forward with all of her strength and fell out of the faceless man's grip, body soaked and dropping both blood and dark, swirling water. She smelled the scent of her brother's skin when they were camping and he said he would sleep with her to protect her from the bears, even though he was the one trembling in his sleeping bag. He was ten years old and his smile still came easy, hazel eyes shining with affection and happiness.

Lauren barely registered the throbbing ache of her body as she slipped in her attempts to scramble up, managing after three attempts; ignoring the thunderous dripping of water coming from herself, she ran upstairs with all the power she had left.

She saw Andy grow taller than her, already towering over her little before he turned fourteen. She saw his sweet and youthful smile become old and dark and sad, but she refused to give up even when his joy melted into bitterness and agony hidden by rage. She climbed higher and higher through their tower of dreams and nightmares, and saw him use his powers to protect her from the evil of the world. She regretted her words then and wished to change them with her words now. She saw the insufferable pain in his eyes when she didn't refute his claims of how she thought herself better than him; she used it as fuel to push herself forward faster, faster, _faster_.

She has almost finished her treck, and her eyes lit up with desperation when she saw the door. Andy now had bleach-blonde hair that brushed a stark white in certain spots, and his being vibrated with strength and sorrow, but pride and bravery exuded from his body like a ripe scent. It was addictive and tantalizing, and she reached for him not just with her bruised hands, but with her shattered soul and her weeping eyes.

"He's already lost, honey. You don't need to bother." The faceless man grabbed her arms and Lauren continued to fight, twisting her body out of the burning grip of the hands trying so hard to drag her down.

"No!" She screamed and escaped, pushing the door open with all of her body and crashing through it. She fell to the concrete floor, the pain in her knees emerging again, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She stood, steady and strong, and proud with all her cuts and bruises and all the water still soaking her to the bone.

Andy was there, as always. His body was pale and translucent, beginning to disappear; he was fifteen years old and his body was as soaked as hers was now, curled up in a ball on the floor, skin red from the boiling water still pouring over him. They killed him—the bullies killed him. (And even if a part of her knew that to be a lie, a darker part of her whispered that they'd killed the Andy that used to smile like he actually felt like it. They'd killed the innocent and young boy who loved bowling and replaced him with the solitary and pained guy who just wanted _them to leave him alone_.) He was always there...until he wasn't.

Lauren screamed and fell on her scrapped knees with a wail that transcended all boundaries the world had. She crawled toward him, reaching for his held out hand and his loving smile and affectionate eyes, but the faceless man pulled her back again and she wasn't strong enough to fight back.

She was helpless while her tears mingled with the frigid water, like he'd been that night, and she suddenly felt so, _so_ very sorry. "It's time for another dose, baby." Dad mumbled outside of the greatest nightmare, and the faceless man laughed with murderous kindness, his whispers bullets in her ears. "You'll never reach him."

Lauren woke up kicking and screaming.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, so, so much, Ella. For the solidarity reading and all the corrections and additions. You are a sweet and loving angel and I'm blessed for having you in my life.
> 
> The song used as headline and title for Lauren's chapter is Without the Lights by Elliot Moss. It's amazing and very, very sad.


End file.
